Disrupted sleep pattern turning me over my cold sholders feel strange with a hand to hold onto the world i guess again. I feel a chill down my back as if there are fingers there to comfort me but i do not feel like this is suppossed to be this way. i don't agree with the premise that has been laid out at my feet and i will not accept this defeat. I will not let this get the best of me because the best of me is the best any of you will ever see. I am not like you and you can not comprehend the way my path turns and bends and where it will end nobody can. what do i want to do with my life why would i want to do anything but break breakthroughs through with my pen again. this is a penmans ship and ive stencilled your engraving on the side to hide what my real intentions are. Maybe i am evil i guess i can't pretend were not all just people reaching out to a world past the stars that is truly just voids. its truly just noise and more noise and more noise. coated in silence behind closed eyelids and upon this island ive found that finding a place private is more a creature of habit than anything else. and anyone else would be happy to be given my chances my gifts. but ive blistered with time and ive grown callused in my palace. filling my chalice with the blood of a dragon that wont breath or leave the place were he first learned the taste of mutilation. Im not going to be this upfront about how i feel anymore if you can't deal with it. If you won't accept the suns warmth from your bed then forget that you've regretted to dismember all the members of your fascist elitist thrill seeking heat seeking missle family and damn me to the rancid and lonely places that i propose in poetry you still have something to show to me? i know that im going too slowly and without a truth to it in my coarse voice but thats because although egotistical in proncipal my inferionity complex is more complex than that and it makes me dixlecic and disruptive takes away my abilityto function. and thats the reason. Sometimes my grades slip not because i cant handle this workload but because what does it really mean? i had a lapse in judgement ok? i almost fucking beleived in me. i almost imagined a world that i didnt see on a tv screen behind the green screens and all this perfectly allined blocks that you flock too and talk to as if they were your therapist there is a cave in which a theory lives and the theory gives life to those of us wanderers locked in wanderlust lost and unable to talk hiding. im seeking out the one thing that is worth fnding and i was not lying when i told you i had met posedoin but i never meant to make him my clientell hell i didnt even know that he would take what i had to say at face value. You'd think gods might be granted a distinct intellect but i didnt check his i.q. first only his pulse and that was after the fact. decisions were made bounties were paid and then i grabbed his wrist and nothing but this.....

laughter starts my heart moves faster. i could tear apart this bastard i could barely taste the art for any reason harder faster. hear for now and hear me after everything is gone in fact for all the facts ive ever know i could never find a home i could never let it be known to you that i do know what to do and i just feel scared to take a chance. I dont want to dance in the rain when i feel so empty and alone. E.t. phones home because he and Ive been living on a foam throne and somewhere out their in the mist of the night there is an intact entitity of life and he or it is taking my place. theres something unsettling about this tension you played out and made out to be destiny. as if you told me what to do and wont let me im trapped in limbo im stuck in the dungeon plotting and throbbing trodding around like a headless horseman. then vanquish me already. Rip me apart so i can start to feel better. rip out my heart and then write me a letter out and sign it as me. take me worlds words and make them out to be your own because i dont care anymore theres nothing there anymore. this is my note to self destructive worlds in which i function there are no variables left that i havent fucked with but the output is still the same like my specimens i too am corroding i too am floating in the the sea salted mist that makes me iroic and makes me ionic and keeps me charged. current currently flowing and i feel open and exposed as i let it play out with the the notes notarized. somebody save this somewhere so that someone might stumble upon me unwillingly. its that chilling and villainy taste of disgrace that makes my face different than yours. through the layers of waste i made haste and chased after something that honestly may not exist still i feel like my soul is begging to tell me where it is and everything that makes me logical sees the problem still because its not probable but the artistry part of me thinks these things are not that hard to see and all i know is that i should be harvesting and harvesting the arts that makes me part of these trees, the sky it all collides and ill ill ever find acting normal is that normally while normalcy is accepted formally decision fermented a spcial type of instrumental patient sentimental in nature and magic in a tragic way because this world cant accept my words unless i curse them and disperse venom to rot away the pieces of the recently discovered lovers that made up the couple of people who populated this stupid empty shithole that we call home while it was deveoping. hope is that ever prevelent or releveant to the discussion about fate and time and truth and fuck all of it because it never made any sense to my senses and it never made sense to made friendships just so i can end this endless piece of time with a rhyme that ill share to get ten plays maybe a repost great golly im a grey ghost im cooked im toast im never going to even get close to close so ill break hope and watch my ship sink. you all want to to bring me down anyway.